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Building on a Marriage Foundation

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couplesThere’s a man in China who divorced his wife a few years ago on the grounds that their baby was too ugly. After seeing the child, the man thought his wife had cheated on him because he believed that he’s too good looking to produce such an ugly offspring. He continued to press the infidelity issue until his wife finally revealed that previous to meeting him, she had undergone about $100,000 worth of plastic surgery in South Korea to drastically change her looks. Something he never knew. The man then claimed in court that he’d been deceived after deciding that his wife’s natural looks created the ugly child. He won a $120,000 settlement after the judge ruled that they were married under false pretenses.

There are many things I could talk about related to this story, but I want to focus on premarital education. What I want to emphasize is the importance of getting to know your spouse before you get married. I’m always surprised when I meet with a married couple who are in distress because they just figured out that they aren’t in agreement about something of value to them. In the area of finances, maybe she didn’t know he was a saver while she’s a spender. Maybe they both assumed the other one wanted children, but they never really discussed it, and later on one of them discovers they assumed incorrectly.

Sometimes couples don’t ask questions of each other because they know what the answer will be, and they don’t want to hear it. They know it will result in conflict. Instead, they simply go through with the ceremony and hope the issue resolves itself because love will conquer all.

I can’t stress enough how critical it is to talk with your fiancé about every topic under the sun before you march down the aisle. Nothing should be off limits. This is the person you are going to share your life with and there’s no reason any question should be prohibited. If your betrothed doesn’t want to share something with you or doesn’t like you asking a specific question, that could be a clue right there!

People are often blinded by love. They don’t see certain character flaws in each other that are right under their nose. They ignore signs that brightly flash causes for distrust or concern. For some reason some couples would rather avoid disagreements up front and gamble on dealing with the issue later or they bet on it resolving itself which almost never happens.

At Winning At Home, we created our 2 to 1 Premarital Event as a resource for engaged or newly-married couples. The next one is scheduled for March 15, 2014. Visit for details. This one day experience helps couples learn how to build a solid marital foundation. Couples have the privilege of hearing from speakers who have expertise in communication, finance, sexual intimacy, and the covenant of marriage. One statistic I heard reported that couples who attend premarital counseling decrease the likelihood of divorce by almost 30%. It can also help increase communication and reduce conflict. Many churches now require couples to attend some kind of premarital classes prior to their wedding.

At Winning At Home we believe people can stay married for life if couples go into the marriage with the right attitude, the right expectations, and the right foundation. This means laying the groundwork ahead of time by knowing each other well and creating a bond that is not easily broken.  

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